not late yet

the cells making shit up. i don't speak. i'm still thinking. not one single word. it's not mellow at all if that's what you're thinking. chaos. hardcore chaos. a bit melodic though. that is what is making me still go. i've not given one thought of stopping. i'm no quitter. it's beautiful. it's so pleasant that i hum. still not going to speak. they're staring. it's been a long while. many passed by. but i can feel eyes gazing at the amount of focus a very over-energetic lad was having on nothing. nothing at all. to them. but for me? man, it isn't no joke. minutely detailed memories; opinions; previously experienced scenarios; fights; friendship; love; family; god; saints; aliens; karma; sports; and the list was quite quite lot. things you usually think about. things you randomly think about. things you sometimes give a few minutes to think. things you rarely think about. things you don't think about. all of it. but with zillion times more emphasis. that's how it's maddening in a way. but the sweet dopamine can be felt in every quiet breath i take. a stupid grin on my face. i try not to show it. ultimate extreme try. but it feels like those muscle tissues won't move. not one inch. and then i think why should i? it ain't no crime to smile. is it? i start laughing. a few moments pass by and i'm thinking that what i was doing was called being weird. i relax. still not a single word being uttered. breathing felt good. still thinking about everything. the cells aren't tired yet. should they? no. not at all. what a wonderful world. still how naive. how bittersweet. such contradiction. such hypocrisy. such fun. so much fun. yet a considerable amount of sadness. it's the other way around with the other half. comfort is wanted though. and comfort is given as well. to the best and the worst. care, attention, love, hate, lust, it's all omnipresent. it won't go even if you want it to. and that gives us humans the hope of future. hope for survival. survival in this competitive and unfair world. but we don't mind. we're used to it. we don't mind till that point where all of that wrong isn't noticed anymore. it becomes "normal". but our mind plays games and we start questioning. it's quite rare. but that's when you start seeing things in a different way. no one can explain that "different". it's only felt. hope everyone feels it.

i notice myself feeling normal. i ask the time to the old man sitting next to me. he says it's too late. i smile and leave home for some good sleep. i really need it.



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